Couples therapy with me often incorporates some elements of sex therapy, but the difference in name means the most prominent concerns for the couple are more emotional or centering around communication of a nonsexual origin. Navigating the various stages of a relationship often brings us to intense conflict as we enter negotiations around issues that may run very deep with past suffering, loss, betrayal, or abandonment. Often, struggle shows up at transition points, when a couple decides to become exclusive, to move in together, getting married, having kids, or seeing kids leave the nest. Trouble may arise during a career change, when a milestone is passed, or in the wake of loss or change. A couple who has been together for decades may learn something new and find that everything they have established together goes through a change that leaves them wondering if they can still fit together.
In couples therapy, I help people in relationships to connect in the here and now, to repair past ruptures in ways that feel authentic and satisfying, and to establish sustainable practices that enable them to maintain healthy connection with each other. Typically when a couple shows up to their first couples therapy session, they feel helpless and/or hopeless, and certain that it is all the other’s fault. I can guide you through a process of finding mutual responsibility in a non-threatening way.
Differentiation within relationships is a key element. Oftentimes people in relationships have the misconception that they need to get lost in the identity of the relationship, to merge with the other person or people, to create a union of identity. This is not sustainable, and it leads to many concerning dynamics. I can help you to navigate the setting and maintenance of boundaries within your most intimate relationship in order to keep it healthy.
Couples sometimes find themselves in therapy with me due to infidelity of one kind or another. I will help using emotionally focused techniques to establish the narrative of the hurt and the rupture, to identify the process of repairing those ruptures, and walk you both through those stages. I lead couples through a collaborative process, forging a path forward that includes shared truths between the couple while always factoring in the individual. I coach authenticity from both members of the relationship, and help to parse out the emotions, the facts, and the different perspectives. Together we will find roads to the kind of empathy that heals.